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Talking With Your Doctor |
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 Situations:
"I don't want to know"
Patient: If it's bad news, I don't want to hear it. I especially
don't want to know if my heart was worse on that last test. Tell my
daughter, not me.
Doctor: Okay. I'm giving you this medicine to treat your pain.
Take two pills three times every day, and come back in two weeks.
The "don't ask/don't tell" policy is not much in vogue in health care
these days because it seems too paternalistic for our modern society.
Patients are encouraged to take control of their care, and doctors
are exhorted to tell their patients "the truth." But some people really
don't want to hear their diagnoses, or at least not just yet. Often
people guess what is going on but don't want to hear the words or
talk about their illness in specific terms. Still others don't want
to be told for other personal or cultural reasons. While this form
of communication is not for everyone, it can be very important for
some. If you are one of those folks, you might focus on the effects
that your illness is having on your life (too tired to go shopping,
lack of appetite, etc.) without discussing the effects of the illness
on your organs and body chemistry. You can ask your doctor what you
can expect in terms of daily life without listening to a recitation
of medical facts. And you can certainly change your mind and ask questions
later if you want to talk about specifics.
You should know that most doctors, and many family members, are uncomfortable
with this method of living with illness, even if you prefer it. You
may have to insist that this is the way you want to handle things.
You may have to insist more than once. If this is your choice, however,
it is likely to have been your choice before. Family, friends, and
doctors may be uncomfortable, but not totally surprised. Your choice,
then, may be a source of puzzlement without being a source of friction. |
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Adapted from The
Handbook for Mortals: Guidance for People Facing Serious Illness,
by Joanne Lynn and Joan Harrold, copyright by Joanne Lynn, used by
permission of Oxford University Press.
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