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Talking With Your Doctor |
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 Situations:
"Tell me what to do"
Doctor: Have you thought about the different treatments that
we talked about ?
Patient: Yes, but I don't know what to do.
Doctor: Well, do you have more questions ?
Patient: No, I just want to do what you think is best.
Even if you are very assertive about knowing all there is to know
about your illness and making your own decisions, there may be a time
when you just don't know what to do. You might want someone else to
make the decision. It may be a relief to have someone just tell you
what you should do. And that's okay.
Having a serious illness, especially one that you are likely to die
of, is overwhelming in at least two ways. First, the very thought
of dying is overwhelming. Second, there are a multitude of decisions
that must be made throughout the course of the illness. These can
tax the healthiest of people, not to mention those feeling ill from
side effects of medication, lack of sleep, or just being sick and
tired.
Some people are very comfortable having others make decisions for
them, or at least weighing others' opinions before making their own
decisions. If that's you, then the best thing you can do is to identify
family members, doctors, and other people whose opinions you trust.
Other people fear that if they reach the point where they are asking
other people to make decisions for them, they are "giving up" either
control or the will to live. Neither of those is a bad thing if it
is what you need to do. In fact, it can be a relief. But if the need
to let someone else take control, even for a while, distresses you,
it may help to tell yourself a few important things.
Remember that you've made a lot of decisions up to this point. Choosing
to let one pass is really a choice, not a loss of your ability, adulthood,
or right to make future decisions. If you are truly unhappy with the
decision, it is likely to be flexible; few decisions are one-chance-only
opportunities. If you are relying on a family member or friend to
make a decision for you, then you probably picked that person (and
this decision for him to make) because you are comfortable with his
judgment. If you are asking your doctor to decide for you, then you
are relying on someone whose expertise you have sought because you
believe her judgment and knowledge of you and your illness to be sound. |
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Adapted from The
Handbook for Mortals: Guidance for People Facing Serious Illness,
by Joanne Lynn and Joan Harrold, copyright by Joanne Lynn, used by
permission of Oxford University Press.
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