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Finding meaning |
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 Spirituality,
religion and relationships
To many, spirituality and religion are almost the same thing, especially
at end of life. In fact, it has been said that all religion is about
death and trying to make sense of it. And the connection between spirituality
and end-of-life may seem obvious to people who have strong roots in
organized religion. Religion gives believers a pathway with clear
road signs and expected activities. If you have faith, you may take
comfort in the milestones that mark the way, no matter how troubling
the journey. If you have been actively addressing spiritual issues
throughout life, with or without formal religion, life's last journey
may feel like the natural conclusion to a lifelong journey, not requiring
particular attention.
But most of us are caught up in the challenges of daily life, and
reach the end of our lives with more questions unanswered than we
would like. It is helpful to see the spiritual journey at the end
of life, despite its challenges and troubles, as an opportunity to
learn and grow. Serious illness often requires an important redefinition
of self, because it lets us get beyond the usual "currency" of being
worthy, whether that's making money or being a good citizen. Serious
illness, like other significant life challenges, forces us to rethink
what it is that really matters. Often, we discover that what matters
most are relationships with others, with ourselves, and with the world
that surrounds us.
Spirituality goes beyond readily defined social roles and relationships
and focuses on one's relationships with an interior world, the soul,
and with a limitless, external world. Those infinite worlds, both
within and around us, and our relationship to each, shape our spiritual
world. These are the relationships that may concern you as you approach
death and question God or the universe: Why me? Why now? Why this?
The way you answer those questions, or understand what is happening
to you, also shapes your spiritual life.
How do you handle the urgent need to find meaning for yourself in
what is soon to be a completed life? First, it helps to see this search
for meaning as an important "task" for the end of life. In a sense,
this is the valuable opportunity that dying with some forewarning
offers: you have the chance to seek and find your own meaning. The
fact that most people find this search to be terribly important and
rewarding means that it is worth resisting the temptation to spend
all your energy on medical treatment or on relatively unimportant
tasks. It is as important to seek space and time for spiritual concerns
as it is to seek the right treatment or therapy.
Second, it helps to seek spiritual companions. Perhaps you can talk
to your spouse, or someone else who is close to you. He or she may
be on a spiritual journey, too, and sharing thoughts can help you
both along the way. Often, it helps to seek out others who have more
experience, including religious advisors, older people, or groups
of people who have taken on these issues together. Perhaps you will
find it especially meaningful to share your journey with someone much
younger who is not yet driven by a search for meaning but senses its
importance. |
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Adapted from The
Handbook for Mortals: Guidance for People Facing Serious Illness,
by Joanne Lynn and Joan Harrold, copyright by Joanne Lynn, used by
permission of Oxford University Press.
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