Question

I am an arthritis sufferer and cope with most things but my pain is harming my sex life with my husband.

Is there anything we can do to help improve matters so there is less pain and more pleasure?
 

Answer

It is good that you have asked your question, because there are things to know which can help. However, it is also important to have some understanding about pain, as for many people with arthritis, pain is a "catch 22" scenario. Exercise is so important and suitable exercises strangely enough, free up stiff joints and prevent more stiffness, yet when a person has pain they think they cannot exercise. The secret is to make sure that you have adequate pain relief on board, so the stiffness can resolve a little by doing exercise regularly. Walking of course is not always the answer, but swimming is an excellent exercise for arthritis as the water supports the joints and limbs whilst you move. Also gentle exercises in a warm pool or bath are beneficial at freeing up the joints. A physiotherapist may be helpful guiding one in the correct exercises for the specific problem. Weight Control is also important, as extra weight places an added load on painful joints.
 

Sexuality is a pleasurable activity shared by partners as an expression of love and intimacy. Ideally, a healthy and satisfying sex life solidifies the union between partners. There are certain factors which can however interfere with deriving pleasure and satisfaction from sex. Having a chronic disease, such as arthritis, can complicate sexuality by introducing other factors into the equation including:- pain, fatigue, depression and other problems and limitations. These factors can cause difficulties in a sexual relationship but it is important to realize the difficulties can be overcome.
 

Pain and pleasure are so contrary to each other it may seem unimaginable to consider them together. Pain is an intruder into the daily lives of arthritis sufferers and can interfere with sexual desire. Factors that can be self-limiting include: the fear of movement, discomfort, increased pain. Sex should be regarded as a release for the pain though, not something which has hurtful consequences. With reduced expectations, pleasure from sex is achievable even in spite of a painful illness. By reduced expectations, we understand that aggressive sex is likely unrealistic. Gentle, tender, and creative sexual intercourse can actually be soothing and healing. Following a sexual encounter endorphins are released. Endorphins are the body's own natural painkillers and their beneficial effect can last up to a few hours. Acts of intimacy are vital, including: gentle touching, kissing, holding and massage.
 

Whatever provokes sensations of pleasure while diminishing sensations of pain are powerful acts of sexuality and intimacy. Visual stimulation can be helpful especially since the mind is said to be the most powerful sexual organ. Some things can be done ahead of time in preparation for a sexual encounter. Though this contradicts the theory that sex must be spontaneous, such planning can be helpful for reducing pain and making the encounter more enjoyable. Plan sex for the time of day you generally feel best. Take medications to allow the peak of the dose to occur during sex. Avoid extra activity which might increase your level of fatigue. Do gentle exercises to relax and to improve your range of motion. Take a warm bath or shower to soothe joints and muscles. Try new positions which might alleviate pain during sex. Sex can still be spontaneous at times. During those occasions you find yourself feeling better, seize the opportunity for physical, sexual gratification.
 

Many medications exist for the treatment of arthritis. Some medications which are taken to treat arthritis and relieve pain can have side effects which affect sexual desire and performance. Among these side effects are: depression, fatigue and weight gain. A change in medication or in the dosage schedule may make a difference so do not assume you must live with the undesirable effects. Talk with your treating doctor, if medication side effects are a problem, and find together a more suitable pain relief. We hope this helps you discover more enjoyment and less pain in your life.
 

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