The holiday season is a time that promises much fun, and yet for many, delivers high stress. This article offers ideas on how to get the most out of your holidays, while at the same time, effectively managing stressful situations that can dampen holiday spirits.

Maximize holiday pleasure and minimize holiday stress

Shachi D. Shantinath, PhD (Senior Research Associate, Department of Psychology - University of Fribourg, Switzerland)
December 7, 2000 (Reviewed: February 16, 2003)

Introduction

Many people experience the holiday season as stressful. There is increased pressure to put on a happy face and be merry, and that only makes things more difficult. Getting ready for the holidays means looking forward to good times, but it also means more work. It also means more time spent with relatives you may not really care to be with.

Any of these reasons, alone, much less in combination, causes many people to feel stressed during the holiday season. Here are some suggestions for dealing with some of the most common sources of stress around the holidays.

Set realistic expectations

Too many people think that this time of year will suddenly be calm and peaceful and all the daily ups and downs will simply disappear. Unfortunately this is not true. If anything, holidays pile on additional pressure by straining budgets, patience and health.

One way to deal with letdown is to realize that this time of year is in some ways like any other, and there will still be hassles and ups and downs. The key is not to be surprised when they occur and not to take a black and white view of the situation. In other words, things do not have to be perfect for the holidays to be enjoyable.

Humor as a coping tool

When tensions rise, try to look for the humor in a situation. A well-timed joke can go a long way to ease tensions between people. Do not be afraid to laugh at yourself, but watch out for sarcastic humor. Too many people use sarcasm as a form of humor, when in fact it is more an expression of anger. It may seem funny to be sarcastic towards a family member, but in the long run, it can damage the relationship.

Shift your perspective

If things do not go according to plan, and unexpected situations arise, try to tell yourself that some day you will look back on this and laugh. Try to shift points of view, and put the unpleasant event into a broader perspective. Tell yourself that this is going to be a funny story someday, even if it is not funny now.

One holiday, just as I reached my destination, a thunderstorm developed shortly before landing and delayed an already long flight. Once I got my bag, I discovered that there had been flash floods on the ground and the elevator in the parking lot was not working. After my host and I lugged my suitcase up five flights of stairs, we discovered that his car did not start.

We called for help, only to be informed that a tow truck would arrive in three hours. As we sat in the pouring rain, realizing that there was nothing to do but wait, I told myself that this was going to make a good story someday. Then I opened the Swiss chocolates I had brought along, shared them with my host, and spent a few minutes meditating on them as we waited for the tow truck. Calm had been restored inside the car as the storm continued outside.

Take breaks

Taking care of yourself and attending to your needs is not selfish. Pausing for a nap sure beats collapsing from exhaustion. Breaks can be in various forms-from exercise, to listening to music, to taking a warm bath. Understand their value in getting you through the holidays and be sure to make time for this.

Plan quiet moments for yourself. Put them into your appointment book if necessary. Remember self care is not the same as selfishness!

Stick to your exercise routine

If you have an exercise routine, then do your best to stick with it. It may mean cutting down on a few holiday related activities, but it is well worth it in benefits which are both physical and psychological. If you cannot do all the things you normally do, try to find a compromise. Be creative and involve your family members if you must spend time with them. Invite them to go along on a walk or to dance in the family room for a few minutes. Anything to get people moving and away from the television is good.

Have a system for dealing with family situations

If family get-togethers tend to be a time when people end up discussing sensitive issues such as elder care, set down some ground rules. Meal times are not for discussing family business. They are times for coming together and strengthening ties. If holidays are the only time people are together, and they feel they must discuss important matters, then reserve a time and place to do so, separate from the celebrations.

The idea is to preserve and protect family time and not let it suffer from "spillover" that results from discussing sensitive topics.

Remember that togetherness does not mean 24 hours a day

Too many people try to make up in a few days what they miss during the year. It is simply not possible to do that. Aim for "quality time" and not quantity time. That means feeling free to excuse yourself to take a bath, or go on a walk by yourself. A small "time out" can go a long way towards restoring energy, especially when one is surrounded by people, noise and activities.

Feel free to say "no"

If you really hate doing something (like hosting a holiday dinner) or being with your obnoxious cousin, then feel free to say "no". Many people are taught that saying no is the same as being rude or impolite. Assertiveness means stating your needs in a way that shows mutual respect. Being assertive during the holidays can make all the difference between feeling satisfied and feeling drained.

Watch out for stress related eating and drinking

Food and drink are certainly meant to be enjoyed during the holidays. However, watch out for stress related eating and drinking that can sabotage your efforts to pursue health during the rest of the year. The first step is to become aware that holiday stress can be an important reason why people are more likely to digress from their healthy habits.

The next step is to reduce the risk of stress related eating and drinking. By following the suggestions above, you can reduce both your stress levels and the likelihood that you will engage in stress related eating and drinking.

If you do happen to turn to food and drink for comfort, then do not berate yourself. Simply tell yourself that this was a momentary "slip" and that you can still stick to healthy habits for the rest of the year. And then, resume your program of exercise and sensible eating.

Try to have "holy" days

The holidays have drifted from their original intent, and for many simply mean a time of more running around and more shopping. Take a moment to reflect on the original intent of holidays and their significance in your life. Even if you do not follow a particular faith, it is a good time to step back and think about the blessings in life.

Whatever your orientation or approach, there is surely a way to be introspective that is compatible with your world view.

Pursue simplicity and create a retreat

You don't have to buy into the holiday rush. Create a retreat for yourself and use that time to read, reflect and perhaps also listen to music. Many people look back upon the past with nostalgia, especially during the holidays. One of the most appealing aspects of looking back is in appreciating the simplicity of an earlier time.

While you cannot go back in time, you can turn this time of year into a retreat that offers an opportunity to turn inward and rejuvenate yourself. Invite your family to join in this effort. Ask them for suggestions for their favorite readings, music or games. With a little bit of brainstorming, it is possible have a more meaningful and less consumer-oriented holiday.

Initially they may think that your suggestion is crazy. But I assure you that once they get the feel for this, they are quite likely to enjoy it themselves and even look forward to it.

The holidays too shall pass- but plan for next year

If the stress gets to be too much and you just cannot find a way to reduce it in any way, then remind yourself that the holidays too shall pass and soon you will be able to return to your routine. And with these tips in hand, you will be well equipped to plan ahead for the next season, so that you maximize your holiday joy and minimize your holiday stresses.

My best wishes to you for a peaceful holiday season!

Related Links
What can I do when I find myself getting upset too often? (Part 1)
What can I do when I find myself getting upset too often? (Part 2)

Related Books
The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns M.D.