Question

My mother died 10 months ago and my father has recently begun to hallucinate about her. Is this part of normal grief ?

Answer

Without more clinical details, we can only give some general pointers on grief and bereavement. Individuals should always see their own physician or a psychiatrist if there is a major problem.

Normal grief is a continuous process but it can be described conveniently as having three stages. The first stage, which clearly your father has passed, lasts for a few hours to several days. There is denial and perhaps a lack of emotional response.

The second stage lasts from several weeks to 6 months, or even longer. There may be a feeling of extreme sadness, crying and loneliness and perhaps overwhelming waves of yearning for the person who has died. There may be physical manifestations such as lack of sleep, poor appetite and perhaps panic attacks. As such times, feelings of guilt that not enough was done for the deceased are often expressed and felt, and others may be blamed for failing to provide optimal care.

The third stage arises when these problems subside and everyday activities are resumed. The bereaved person gradually comes to terms with the loss and recalls the good times but there is often a temporary return to the second stage at the time of the anniversary of the death.

Abnormal grief is that which is more intense than above and may persist for longer. There may be psychological depression and even suicidal thoughts. These grief reactions are more likely if the death was sudden and unexpected or when the bereaved person was very close or dependent. It is also more common when the survivor is unable to show grief, or there are feelings of insecurity.

The problem is to decide whether your father is grieving normally, or has abnormal pathological grief with depression. This decision may well require the help of a doctor or psychiatrist. Often counselling for the bereaved helps the person to adjust. Drug treatment cannot remove the distress of normal grief but can relieve pathological grief which is manifesting as depression. Support groups are available to help recently bereaved people and some people obtain great benefit from such groups.

Links

• Resource on all aspects of death, with advice and support